For Whom the Bell Tolls Page 10
Is fundamentally unsound,
A nether-world where lies abound
And untruths ricochet around
Consistent with the morals of a whorehouse.
The globalisation
Of disinformation
Through which mendacities take wing
With malice, guile and cunning,
Leaves Truth abed and slumbering
While Falsehood’s up and running.
Time Passing
When I was three,
Wild and carefree,
My clothes were muddles
On an unmade bed,
I jumped in puddles
And looked ahead
To the joys in store
The toys and treasures
And unknown pleasures
Of being four.
Now that I am seventy three
I’m not the man I used to be,
Burned too many candles,
Knew too many scandals,
Scoundrels and vandals
And so much futile bloody war,
From where I’ve been
And what I’ve seen
I’m not sure that I’m all that keen
On being seventy four.
So many years have passed, leaving so few,
I may have months or only days to do,
And so, grown miserly beyond all measure,
I fear to draw
Upon this store
Of ever-dwindling treasure.
What’s now a slog was once a caper,
The less we have the more we spend;
Life’s like a roll of toilet paper:
It unwinds faster at the end.
Index of first lines
A Balkan Stalingrad – as Serbian tanks 22
Across the Caribbean Sea 120
A curse of malediction plagues the net. 98
A feckless pastor in the Sunshine State 112
A man of words drew on his wide experience 103
Americans don’t leave their foes to wonder, 60
Amid the papers’ patriotic noise 176
And so at last the prison door 46
A quiet life may be a privilege, 93
A replay of the politics of class 75
A rule of war is that straight lines on maps 130
At first they tried to argue that AV 85
At school he didn’t join the CCF 8
Because timidity invites disgrace, 152
Being an Honourable Member for four years, 45
Being naive and new to Parliament 173
Children of Munich – I am one of them, 64
Consider it aesthetically 179
Consider the advances we have made, 63
Dark and pungent, dense and glutinous, 36
Declining years? So be it. We’ll decline 133
Don’t mourn his death but mark it, understood 89
Do you remember there were books? 97
Dunwich beneath the sea; a castle wall 121
Events are not free-standing any more, 88
Felled by a roadside bomb he never saw, 58
Flat screen or hand held, such a multitude 96
For all those years the business worked just fine: 117
For fifty years we swallowed whole the myth 95
George Orwell would have loved it. Where he worked, 74
Gold-plated David Cameron, 80
Heart of Darkness was his masterpiece; 124
He had all of the leadership ingredients 78
He leans to thee with fragile courtesy, 100
He made his reputation in committee; 53
Here was a man who lived not by the sword 28
He sat before me in a guarded cell, 26
He seemed a decent sort, upright and staid, 40
He was installed Chief of the General Staff 54
He wrote his operas to great acclaim, 35
‘I am a lawyer from Burkina Faso; 122
I am assertive, you are aggressive, 164
Ian Duncan Smith 48
I booked a train, but then a cursed fault, 101
I drove at speed across the airport runway, 23
I filled in loan agreements by the yard, 151
If you achieve your three score years and ten, 168
If you’re in the front line you live by the minute 162
If you should seek the Holy Grail 163
If you should wonder why we breathed our last, 9
I have a friend who keeps an old toast rack 150
I have a friend who lives outdoors, 171
I have no prejudice or rancour 132
I met a girl on one of Cunard’s ships 145
I’m suffering from visitor’s tristesse, 102
Indifferent to the people’s warning, 39
In discharge of their parliamentary duties, 44
In fifty years I never played the hero 18
Ingenious nations have devised a plan 123
In matters of the heart my life’s a drag: 165
In the tradition of the music hall 10
Iraq, Afghanistan, now Libya too, 4
I saw myself from forty years ago 136
I scanned the news from Camden Town to Morden: 137
I see the nation is entranced by Cheryl 138
I still remember the searchlights 180
It almost seemed an age of innocence 41
It had the aspect of a high romance, 21
It is a measure of our country’s health 86
It is to me a cause of deepest regret 32
It started out in warfare and mayhem 141
It was the dateline that defined the antics 125
It was the ultimate war zone hotel, 24
I used to think, till I met Angelina, 166
I’ve seen it on the news and so it’s true, 113
I wish I had my own duck house, 42
Most of the TV news I see is rather 177
My venerable encyclopaedia, 186
News-chasing then, we’d hit the airport running, 110
No love was lost ’twixt Liberals and Tories, 80
No need to whip the poor backbencher 38
Once in a war I took a double hit, 147
One day beneath a tree in Costa Rica 32
One day in autumn 1964, 15
One night in Tottenham we crossed a border 1
On one side stood the hammer and the sickle 82
Our democratic record’s rather poor: 84
Our hard-faced rulers urge that we should fund them 132
‘Please take a seat, Prime Minister, and stay, 7
Power’s a narcotic and an elixir, 160
Prime Minister Anthony Lynton Blair 49
Remember before Agincourt the thrust 72
Republicans have all the arguments: 135
Satisfactory 104
Since seagulls are so common everywhere, 32
So fallen are we that our culture 172
Somewhere between Exeter and Reading 143
Somewhere remote and safe, out in the sticks, 47
Swamping the airwaves with their lies, 85
The Americans, sensing trouble up ahead, 69
The Arctic island functions like a freezer, 127
The band plays and the medals glisten, 158
The Bible (King James version) and Shakespeare 143
The Big Man called his people to the square, 17
The cat looked up at the bird in its nest, 33
The claim was clear, without a
caveat, 51
The danger level was high and rising higher, 31
The difference between Brits and Germans 167
The doomed 18th Division went to war 59
The Emperor Nero 182
The first girl whom I met was Charity 146
The first of life’s inspections that I failed 12
The flag-draped coffins now exceed twelve score 57
The flags were lowered, one by one, 19
The Generals of my youth were bright and zestful, 68
The golden rule for those reporting war 116
The great George Orwell got it right: corruption 73
The Honourable Humphrey Ponsonby MP, 70
Their dreams of war, straight from the silver screen, 65
The Major General cut himself while shaving, 11
The nerves of Norwich fans could not be steelier; 34
The operations of the Digger 3
The operation’s winning minds and hearts, 56
The People’s Palace is a fortress 155
The poorest country in the hemisphere 118
The practice of politicians that gives us the most bother 52
There is a time for peace, a time for war, 91
There once was a great fantasist 48
There once was a man so uxorious 170
There once was a native waterway so angular, 181
There was a time, in the Staff College courses, 87
The soldier, being asked to draw his sword, 50
The sound of seagulls plays on a loop in the Carlton Beach Hotel, 161
The television networks are programmed 108
The times are sadly out of joint, 79
The two canals’ biography 129
The Typhoons and Tornados overhead 66
The valleys celebrate and hills 135
The watchword of the times is Coalition, 81
The white house glimmers through the trees: 99
The world’s remotest island – cliffs of granite, 128
They asked if I wished to sign the book of condolence 174
They found a game remarkably like cricket 131
They guarantee the sun at any price, 94
They had no meaning ethical or moral 30
They looted clothes and trainers, mobile phones, 2
They’re partial to the martial metaphor, 76
They turn up in their combats, clean and pressed, 106
Though some of what they play is quite sublime, 142
Three mandarins and two professors 6
Three score and ten, I’m feeling mortal, 153
Time was, the swordsman and the musketeer 71
To say they didn’t like to leave their horses 20
True love begins where their affections merge, 148
Twinkle twinkle little star 178
Union President, Secretary of State 156
Wandering and alone her mother found her, 90
We came upon it in the midst of war, 25
We can’t afford a future like our past, 62
We followed him, as the half-blinded must; 5
We knew his scowl, his cold contempt, his swagger, 27
We noticed they were booted and were spurred 107
We’re governed by a ruling class 157
Were you ever a soldier, 159
We sold them armaments and armoured cars, 16
We spend our lives in trivial pursuits 109
We tend to cringe so much and self-berate 140
We’ve Members we could do without 83
‘What lessons should I learn if my ambition 67
When first I walked in past the grand statues, 37
When he was only four my grandson Max, 139
When I am gone, I hope you’ll pause a minute 154
When I served in the ranks the then CO 14
When I set out it was a simpler time: 115
When it comes to rating great Norwegians 184
When I was three, 187
When the old man died she took it personally, as an act of infidelity, 185
When words are out there on their own, 169
Where once a trading post slept in the sand, 126
With a despatch box as their prize 175
With clichés scattered over a wide area, 144
You brought me joy and grief, you fickle female, 149
Index of titles
Absurdistan 123
Acronym, The 177
Aesthetics 179
Agincourt 72
Alice 167
Alternative Vote (1), The 84
Alternative Vote (2), The 85
Alternative Vote (3), The 85
Anagrams 103
Appeasement 64
Arab Spring 88
Arkan 28
Armagh 17
Babylon 120
Backbencher, The 38
Bad News 113
Ballade of Old Age 133
Banker, The 132
Baseball 131
Bash on Regardless 12
Behind Bars 46
Bird’s Nest 33
Black Swans 91
Blogosphere, The 98
Blue Skies 94
Border Lines 130
Bought and Sold 40
Brief Encounter 47
Call Signs 14
Canaries, The 34
Cat, The 171
Cavalry, The 20
Celebrity Protection Force, The 137
Censorship 108
Chain of Command 11
Challenges and Issues 73
Cheryl 138
Chilcot Committee, The 6
Classic FM 142
Class Warfare 75
Cleggmania 82
Clerihew 49
Clerihews 182
Coalition (1) 80
Coalition (2) 80
Coalition (3) 81
Congo 124
Credo 152
Datelines 125
Death of News, The 110
Decisions 140
DQF 74
Drone, The 178
Dubai 126
Due Process 50
Egret, The 32
End Game 149
Enemy, The 180
Epitaph 154
Ex-minister, The 156
False Prophet 5
Foreboding 62
Forty Five Minutes 51
Forty Years On 8
Garden Party 158
George Osborne MP 173
Giuseppe Verdi 35
Golden Age 117
Haiti 118
Hearts and Minds 56
History 67
Holiday Inn Sarajevo 24
House of Commons 155
Iceland 127
Idi Amin 18
Illusion 99
In Memoriam 9
In Northern Yemen 90
Jerusalem 83
Journey, The 10
Karadzic on Trial 26
Kindle, The 97
Kurt Schork 106
Language 143
Laptop Bombardier 159
Lesson, The 4
Libya 66
Lighthouse, The 69
Limerick (1): WMD 48
Limerick (2): IDS 48
Limericks 170
Lines 100
Loitering Munitions 60
London’s Burning 1
Look East 15
Lu
cky Escape 23
Margaret Thatcher RIP 174
Max 139
Medal Parade 68
Middle Ground 93
Mightier than the Sword 169
Minister of State 53
Mission Impossible 163
Moonshine 65
More or Less 116
Mother Tongue 143
Muammar Gaddafi 1942–2011 160
Murdochracy 3
Museum Piece 151
My Mother 185
Neutrality 112
New Labour 79
Nigeria 16
Norway 184
Nuclear Option, The 63
Odd People 86
Ode to Marmite 36
On Entering Parliament 37
Osama Bin Laden 89
Paddy Ashdown 78
Painted Lady 145
Phone Hacking 176
Point of Departure 153
Political Class 157
Political Gymnastics 52
Political Romance, A 21
Politicians 175
Politicians’ Call-up 76
Principal Witness 7
Prisoners of War 59
Pythagoras 181
Radio Five Live 141
Radio Set 168
Ratko Mladic 27
Regrets 45
Reporters’ Retreat 107
Requiem 39
Retreat from Basra 54
Retrospective 136
Rifleman, The 58
Riotous Illiteracy 2
Royal Wedding (1) 135
Royal Wedding (2) 135
Rules of War 87
Screens 96
Seagull, The 32
Sleaze Then and Now 41
Sloth, The 32
Sonnet: The People’s Bell Tower 44
Starstruck 166
St Helena 128
St Lucia 19
Strictly 115
Study in Contrasts, A 70
Suez and Panama 129
Suffolk 121
Suitcase, The 165
Swindlers’ List 42
Tax Demand 132
Terms of Endearment 164
TGV 102
Theatre of War, The 71
Time Passing 187
Tim Hetherington 109
Toast Rack, The 150
Tory Dictionary 104
Trajectories 148
Truth and Falsehood 186
Virtues, The 146
Vitez 25
Vukovar 22
Vulture, The 172
War Crimes Tribunal 161
War Plugs 31
War Wounds 147
War Zones 162
When Troubles Come 101
White Christmas 95
White Suits 30
Windfall 122
Wootton Bassett 57